The Coach/Athlete Relationship
I know you might be surprised, but coaches aren’t perfect. We make mistakes, we get it wrong, we’re human. We also can’t read your mind. We don’t know if you had a tough day at school or if your back hurts. We don’t know about any personal issues you might be going through. All these things can affect your training, so it’s important to be able to communicate with your coaches. I’m not saying you need to spill the tea on the daily, but you do need to have a relationship where you feel comfortable letting them know if something is going on that could affect your training.
I know there are a lot of you thinking that you could never tell your coach your not on your game because…(various reasons).” If this is the case you need to ask yourself why you don’t feel comfortable doing this. These reasons matter a lot.
Let’s just cover a few things quick:
Pushing past your breaking point is not strong. Part of being a great athlete is the ability to acknowledge that your body or mind can’t do it today.
Being scared to communicate with your coach is not okay. We have normalized this in our culture and this is not healthy and in the end will be detrimental to you.
As coaches we are here to push you out of your comfort zone however, there are a lot of coaches out there that don’t really “know” their athletes. When this is the case that push can often times feel “mean.”
Mutual trust and respect between a coach and an athlete is a must!
When we’re high level athletes, we spend a lot of time training with our coaches, often more than we do with our parents. That’s why having a strong relationship and open communication is critically important. This being said this does not mean your coach needs to be your best friend and let you do what you want. If you have that kind of coach you will not grow as an athlete. A coach, like a teacher, is there to teach you. We are here to not only teach you skills but to get out of you what you can’t get out of yourself
Like I said, there needs to be trust between the coach and the athlete. If this trust does not exist things are misinterpreted very easily. For example: Your coach says:
“Leave it at the door”
“Use practice as an escape”
“Focus”
“Just ignore it”
While on the surface these might seem like good advice, if there is a lack of trust and respect these comments they can very quickly become harmful. For example; “Use practice as an escape” Let’s say as the coach I am aware that the athletes parents are going through a divorce. They walk in and I can see they are visibly upset. We have already had a conversation about how practice is a safe place for her. That here she can just do what she loves. She knows if she needs to talk or needs a minute she just has to say the word. These words are comfort to her. Now imagine that you as the coach knows nothing. You have noticed she has had a bad attitude lately. She walks in with that look on her face again. You say “leave it at the door” and walk away. Now, that athlete comes into practice more upset and mad at her coach. Good luck at practice. A mental and or physical breakdown is on the horizon.
Now, when we talk about pushing through mental and or physical barriers there is a time and place.National competitions, NCAA tournaments, or state championships. These are big events that require a lot of focus and determination. It may require you to push through something that you maybe wouldn’t at the beginning of the season. When you trust your coaches and yourself these decisions are much easier to make.
Now, If your coach is always right and doesn’t listen, or if they have a “win-only" mentality you really need to take a step back and look at whether the environment is healthy. Winning does not last forever but the effects of an unhealthy sports environment do.
To the athlete:your coach isn’t always right, but sometimes we are. Sometimes we’re spot on, so make sure you listen. Be open, respectful, and work hard. Keep pushing yourself, and be willing to make changes. To the coaches: You have a huge impact on your athletes. They look up to you, are afraid to disappoint you, and want to be good. Let them be who they are. Know each athlete requires something a little different. Being a great coach takes the ability to coach each athlete individually. I have always said, the number one goal as a coach is to develop and athlete that doesn’t need you. One that is confident and self sufficient.
