what defines you?
A lot of us started playing sports at a very young age. At the time, we did it because it was fun! After practice, we would go home, play outside, head to another sport, or hang out with friends. We didn’t give practice an extra thought. As we got older, we started to practice longer hours. It got more intense. We still loved it, but it was different. After practice, we would go home, but at some point, the separation of our sport and our life got blurry. We would go home, but our minds stayed at practice, stayed with our coaches, or stayed with that skill you just couldn’t master that day.
As a coach, I expect my athletes to show up, work hard, be respectful, and be committed. I want them to tap into their true potential, to believe in themselves. I also want them to be competitive and feel success. But, Most importantly, I want them doing this sport because they love it and because it makes them a better human. As athletes get deeper into their sport, they often start to lose sight of whether or not they love it. It becomes such a big part of their life and who they are that the sport manifests itself in all aspects of their life. Let me explain.
When you are a competitive athlete, bad days, upset coaches, team dynamics, fears, and so much more follow you everywhere. These things don’t stay in the gym and leak into an athlete’s day-to-day life. They lay awake at night thinking about a certain skill, can’t focus on a test because they are thinking about how many series they have to do that night at practice, or can’t stop replaying what the coach said to them about not working hard. As an adolescent girl, these thoughts dominate. It is important that coaches and parents are aware of this. We don’t always realize or see the pressures that these athletes are putting on themselves on top of the pressure we are putting on them. When the athlete gets overwhelmed, something has to give, and more than likely, they will choose other aspects of their well-being to sacrifice before their sport. The second the athlete starts prioritizing their sport over their own well-being is the beginning of physical and emotional breakdowns.
How do you as an athlete prevent the breakdowns? Honestly, sometimes you can’t. Sometimes the breakdown is needed so you can build back up; however, it cannot become a habit, or you just won’t last.
You need to separate who you are as a person from your sport. A sport is something you do, not who you are. That is not to say that who you are does not reflect in your training and that your training does not reflect in who you become. How hard you work, how you treat your teammates, how you respond to your coaches all reflect the kind of person you are and the person you will become. What does not reflect who you are is whether you win or lose, how high you climb in your sport, or if you get a college scholarship. I have coached more athletes that I can count that have the undeniable work ethic, strength, and confidence of a woman that will someday run a company, invent the next big thing, and change the world. Most of these athletes did not get college scholarships, make it to level 10, or win nationals.
Let’s sum it up:
Athletes: Do it for you. Do it because you love it, because it makes you a better person, and because you like who you are when you are doing it. Do not do it for your coaches, your parents, or for anyone else but yourself. Remember, winning and losing does not define you. What defines you is the process and all the little choices and responses along the way.
Parents: Pay attention to your athletes. Be a parent and not a coach. If you are one of those brave parents that coach your own kid, please be a parent and not a coach at home. Keep that separation. Also, remember that the higher level athlete your child becomes, the more of the sport they are bringing home. Look for signs of emotional and physical burnout
Coaches: Coach for the athlete and not for yourself. Your ultimate goal should be to develop strong, independent, hard-working humans. The secondary goal is to develop successful competitors.
