It’s something you do, not who you are.
A lot of us started playing sports at a very young age. At the time, we did it because well, it was fun! After practice we would go home, play outside, head to another sport, or hang out with friends. As we got older we started to practice longer hours. It got more intense. We still loved it but it was different. After practice we would go home but at some point the mental separation of our sport and our life got blurry. We would go home but our minds stayed at practice, stayed with our coaches, stayed with that skill you just couldn’t master that day.
As a coach I expect my athletes to show up, work hard, be respectful (you will hear from me if I see an eye roll), and be committed. I want them to tap into their true potential, to believe in themselves. I want them to be competitive and feel success. Most importantly I want them doing this sport for themselves, not for anyone else. This is all 100% possible without that athlete losing themselves. Let me explain. I am going to use examples from gymnastics because that is what I know, but my guess is, this will translate into any completive sport.
There are things in competitive athletics that will happen in practice and in competitions that most athletes don’t leave there. Bad days, upset coaches, team dynamics, fears, and so much more. These things come out of the gym and leak into an athletes day to day life. They lay in bed thinking about a certain skill, come home crying because of a fear or an upset coach. These things dominate the thoughts of an adolescent girl and every athlete deals with them differently. It is important that we as coaches are aware of this and honest with ourselves. We don’t always realize the pressure we are putting on these girls and the pressure they are putting on themselves. When we as coaches lose sight of this, that is when the athlete can get overwhelmed. When they get overwhelmed they start to prioritize their sport over their own well-being.
Now, on top of these unavoidable stresses, coaches often times put rules in place that in my opinion, create an environment where athletes become the athlete their coach wants instead of the athlete they truly are.
A lot of coaches tend to make rules for control. I am not saying there should not be rules. Of course there needs to be rules but really think about what the goal of your rules are. Now, before I go on I know there are going to be a lot of coaches out there that say these things are just a way to keep structure or create cohesiveness but I will respectfully and very passionately disagree. Things I am not a fan of, again gymnastics specific:
Lining your athletes up in practice and making them stand at attention every time you explain a station or are talking to them. (Attention meaning hands pressed back, feet turned out, chins up)
No talking in warm-ups on a regular basis
Requiring certain hair styles
No shorts allowed ever
Seemingly small and harmless right? I beg to differ. To me, all these things are little ways to control your athletes. They don’t listen better if they are standing a certain way. They don’t compete better if their hair is a certain way. These are things coaches tell themselves and the athletes. These are things that go way back to old school gymnastics and it is very clear that the old school gymnastics way is incredibly unhealthy, emotionally and physically damaging, not to mention sexist. Yes, these things are small on the surface but I say they are gateway control tactics. They just scratch the surface and I could go on about control tactics but that is for another blog. The reason I am talking about this is because these are the things that slowly suck the life out of the athletes. These are the things that we do to make all the athletes act and be the same. The things that give the coaches control and take away control from the athletes. This is an environment that the athletes will slowly lose who they are as a person and become who their coaches want them to be. They start to become their sport.
Think about this. Imagine the kind of athlete you would be if you truly did it for yourself. Because you love it. Because it makes you strong, gives you confidence, and makes you a better person. Coaches, imagine coaching that athlete. Imagine the passion and personality that would come out when they were training. If we just let the athletes be themselves and built off that.
I would always tell the athletes I coach, your sport is something you do but it isn’t who you are. It is something you get to do not something you have to do. The thing is your sport will end and for a lot of athletes, that happens very early on in our lives. Then what? Who are you without the gym? Without your coaches? This is a really important question to ask.
Now all this being said I am not saying an athlete shouldn’t fully commit to their sport. Or that their priorities can’t change. I hope every athlete is 100% in their sport. That they do it with passion and emotion. That they train hard with confidence. But I also want that athlete to know who they are without their sport.
I can not stress how important it is that an athlete can think for themselves. That they feel like they can say no or tell us when something is too much. This is very much on the coaches. It is up to us to foster an environment that encourages this. It is up to us to know our athletes and how they tick, not how you want them to tick. Yes, we need to push these girls. We need to challenge them and help them push out of their comfort zones but we need to know when they are are breaking down, physically and emotionally. This doesn’t mean that practice wont be hard. This doesn’t mean that athletes wont have bad days. It does mean that athletes will be training for the right reasons and coaches will be coaching for the right reasons. This takes communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to listen.
A sport should be an awesome part of your life. There is no question that the skills you learn as an athlete are invaluable. It should build confidence, strength, and an incredible work ethic. It should be a positive force. But, there is so much more to you….
Why I don’t like these rules:
Lining your athletes up in practice and making them stand at attention every time you explain a station or are talking to them. (Attention meaning hands pressed back, feet turned out, chins up)
Yes, athletes need to listen, look at you, and be respectful when you talk but they can do that standing how they are comfortable.
No talking in warm-ups on a regular basis
These girls are family. They are excited to see each other. If they are listening when they need to be and are focused when they are moving then no talking is just a way to suppress them.
Requiring certain hair styles
I don’t know why this one gets to me so much. Their hair is really the only way they get to express themselves when competing. If it is out of their face let them wear it how they feel good! Let them express themselves.
No shorts allowed ever
This rule bothered me as an athlete and still does as a coach. When athletes compete they are going to fidget with their Leo whether or not they practice with no shorts. They are nervous, in front of a lot of people, and in a different environment. The ones that it bothers will always bother and the ones that it doesn’t it just doesn’t. Again, let them be comfortable in practice.
